Stronger - The Extra Chunk!
If you follow me on Instagram you’ve probably seen the excitement that I was recently featured in Poorna Bell’s latest book Stronger (I’ve almost finished reading it and it’s really inspired me to try lifting heavy things!).
My bit in the book is quite brief (I’m, of course, very grateful to be included!) so I thought I’d share with you the questions Poorna asked me and my responses - because I thought it might help you to learn a bit more about me and my journey to here.
My Facebook memories reminded me today that I was going to Zumba 7 years ago (in my beat up old neon trainers) and still in the intentional weight loss mindset (so a lot has changed in 7 years), but it means I’ve been exercising consistently and regularly for at least 7 years now - the longest period of sustained exercise in my whole life!
Facebook also reminded me that I did my first trial fitness class with 3 of my lovely friends (who are all still MissFits regulars 2 years on) 2 years ago today! So this latest part of my journey is still very new - and it really does bring into focus how far I’ve come in such a short time. We’ll be celebrating 2 years of MissFits Workout properly in a couple of weeks, but for now - I’m marking these anniversaries - 2 years of instructing and 7 years of movement! I couldn’t be prouder!
If you fancy a read - take a look at my unedited ramblings to Poorna (it’s not wonder she didn’t include it all!).
1) When you were younger, what was your relationship with fitness and activity like? What is it like now - and what give you joy, and makes you feel strong whether that's physically or mentally?
I have been reasonably active, on and off throughout my life - as a child and in my early teens I enjoyed dance - ballet, tap and modern. But I really hated PE. I had a particular teacher from age 9-12 who I didn’t like, who made us do a lot of cross country running and he really ruined exercise for me. I was unhappy and embarrassed in my body and he basically reinforced the (what I now recognise as fat phobic) messages I was hearing from everywhere else. I began to lose the joy in exercise and it became a chore, particularly as my body grew bigger (I thought I was fat from the age of 8 and put weight throughout my childhood and teens). My dancing classmates were going en pointe and I decided I was too fat to do that (damaging my ankles for a hobby I thought could never go anywhere seemed like a bad idea) so I gave up dancing all together. I was too embarrassed about my body by that stage anyway so it was easy to walk away.
From then on, exercise was a chore I did to offset what I had eaten. I was already well into disordered eating behaviours due to (well-meaning but enforced) food restriction. Diets and exercise primarily for weight loss consumed my teens, twenties and early 30's. I flitted from one exercise activity to the next, sometimes I enjoyed them, sometimes I hated them, but in most cases I lost interest if my weight plateaued or I got bored or thought I wasn't very good. I followed a very similar path with dieting.
Through luck, or just my scatter gun approach to finding ‘the one’ exercise that would give me the body I so desperately wanted, I eventually tried Zumba (which seemed like it might be the answer to my prayers) and found an instructor (about 7 years ago) who’s classes I enjoyed and I was able to pick it up easily, there was also another regular attendee with a bigger body who I thought was awesome! She was strong, fit and a great dancer! Knowing she was there meant I was less anxious about going. It was the last time I began a new activity with weight loss as my ultimate goal. I also enjoyed it so much, I didn't quit when I wasn't losing weight - in fact I started doing more! Over the next couple of years I learned more about the false promises of diet culture and about how exercise was beneficial in general, for all bodies and about ‘Health at Every Size’. So now I exercise in ways that make me feel good in my body (which is primarily dance based) and as a result of my experiences I wanted to help others to do the same so I started to blog about my fat fitness journey and later trained as an instructor.
I find joy in dance, feeling strong, happy and confident when I move my body. I love seeing progress so enjoy things like circuit training too - working up to being able to plank or squat jump felt like a huge achievement! Pushing myself to try things I thought might be difficult has helped to build my confidence, which in turn has contributed to both my both physical and mental strength.
2) What made you want to train as a PT and what have you noticed from your work and with your clients, about what resonates with plus size women, and what they have found challenging, whether that's mindset eg confidence, feeling they belong in the space?
When I first started taking up space (rather than hiding at the back) in fitness spaces I started to get comments from people - either positive things about seeing me in my bigger body do (or enjoy!) a particular class inspired or motivated them to believe they could do it too, similar to the experience I’d had myself. Or I had people assuming I was there for weight loss (which I was originally, but as I learned more about fat liberation etc, this began to change) and asking how much I’d lost or telling me to keep at it and I’d ‘get there’. As I learned more about the trappings of diet culture and explored my own problematic relationship with food and exercise I wanted a place to exercise that was free from diet culture - and it basically didn't really exist. So I wanted to see if I could create one of my own. I had a great fitness instructor who offered encouragement when I asked her if she thought I could train to be an instructor so I figured I'd give it a go! There were people who didn’t think I could do it - some told me to my face. Even whilst training I had moments where I wondered if I had what it takes - I don’t know if it was a dip in confidence or internal fatphobia that I was wrestling with - but either way, I was determined to give it my best shot!
I thought my classes would primarily appeal to women in bigger bodies but I have also attracted people of all shapes and sizes, spanning ages 17-70+, some who are fed up with diet culture in fitness spaces too or who maybe need support to build their self confidence but mainly people who are intimidated or put off by fitness spaces for a wide variety of reasons. They definitely recognise the space I've created as a safe space where they feel welcome and comfortable. Many of my regular attendees say they have finally found an exercise they enjoy - sometimes for the first time in their lives. They also feel that there is no pressure to ‘perform’ or push themselves beyond what is comfortable for them - which they find refreshing.
The biggest challenge they seem to have is coming for the first time - they are anxious that it will be too hard, too high impact or that I’ll make them get down on the floor or do burpees. I often have long chats with newcomers to allay their worries. In my classes we all start with the low impact version and build from there, rather than starting with a more complicated version and offering ‘modifications’ or ‘simplifications’ which makes people feel inadequate, lost and not capable from the outset. I also say they can add this or that move if they want to (rather than if they can) so they truly have autonomy over how much they do. There’s also no competitiveness - either add the star jump or don’t - nobody minds and I don’t point out those who are ‘doing more’ or those who ‘should try harder’ because it’s not what I’m about. Just showing up is a huge step for some of my clients - I want them to reconnect and enjoy movement - not feel any unnecessary pressure from me. My participants tell me they like that. It makes the experience more inviting and less like the workouts they've experienced in the past.
3) As a plus size PT, why is representation in the industry important?
Whilst the fitness industry and our world remains so heavily entrenched in diet culture and bigger bodies continue to experience weight stigma it is absolutely essential that bigger bodies become more visible in all spaces including fitness spaces to challenge perceptions of fat. Thin does not necessarily mean healthy or fit and fat doesn’t necessarily equate to unhealthy or unfit. Despite the media headlines - scientific research actually tells us that’s not how it works.
My clients often tell me that the thing that got them through the door was knowing I was fat. It removes the fear of judgement and makes them feel less self-conscious or worried about getting sweaty or wearing the right clothes. They can ask me for advice about sports bras or leggings that don’t roll down (or that stop your belly from ‘clapping’ when you jump) because they know I can relate! I’ve been very lucky to have had some amazing, inclusive, talented, smaller bodied instructors who made me feel very welcome and were able to offer adaptations if needed without me feeling embarrassed or not good enough. But I knew we did not have the same shared experience. They did not know what it was like arriving in a fitness space in my bigger body. In a world and an industry full of weight stigma and fat phobia having allies is great, but seeing actual fat bodies who are instructors and athletes is how you prove that this is possible and the way to really bring about change. I would not have believed it was possible if I hadn’t seen bigger bodied people working out, in real life and through social media - being strong and confident - that’s why representation matters.
4) When people assume that because a person is plus size, they can't be fit and healthy, what response can I give them, that will make them shut up and learn something new? (I loved what you posted about fitness not being just about aesthetics but about being so much broader than that including how it connects with you emotionally, mentally and spiritually).
For some people, the only way to convince them is with evidence. There’s a growing number of visible fat fitness folk who are showing the alternative to the fitspo/thinspo images we tend to associate with fitness - I’d encourage them to have a look at them - the marathon runners, the lifters, the dancers, the instructors - and see that there are possibilities beyond their narrow viewpoint. It was only about 6 years ago that I felt the same way - I did not know that the things the media and diet culture were telling me were lies. I believed my fat body was the problem that needed to be ‘fixed’. It took seeing multiple fat people living their best lives on Instagram, lots of body positive bloggers and various other visible bigger bodied role models to slowly convince me that there was another way. These beliefs are so entrenched - you can’t just tell someone once. We have to say it and show them over and over again.
Fitness, well-being and health are made up of many contributing factors and the important thing is to find the right balance. Focusing on thinness as the only way to be healthy almost always means you have to sacrifice something else - in my experience it was my mental health and nutritional health. Well-being for me is about maintaining good mental health - feeling confident and happy in my body, and physical fitness - mobility, strength, endurance, free from pain. I’m able to do this at any size. I can be fat and happy. I can be fat and fit.
I was used as a case study for a CPD course for fitness instructors in Canada and one participant said they’d never met a fat person who doesn’t want to lose weight. After reading my (and other) case studies they learned that there are people who are overweight and still love themselves. It makes me incredibly sad that that kind of mindset is not unusual - so it’s time to show them that there is another way…!
